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#theonion

31 posts25 participants0 posts today

Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick

Former Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz announced that he would withdraw his name from consideration to be President-elect Donald Trump’s attorney general, his path to the role mired by a series of allegations of sexual misconduct, including sex with a minor at a 2017 party. What do you think?
The post Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick appeared f…
#theonion
theonion.com/matt-gaetz-withdr

Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team

WASHINGTON—With widespread support from her Republican colleagues, Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) introduced a bill Friday that would ban transgender lawmakers from the congressional gymnastics team. “I don’t care how good their bar routine is—no trans lawmaker will ever step on this m…
#theonion
theonion.com/nancy-mace-introd

Trump Boys Get Weird Feeling After Uncle Elon Shows Them Busty Anime Cat Girl

PALM BEACH, FL—Blushing, short of breath, and unable to look away from the image, the Trump boys told reporters Thursday that they got a weird feeling after their Uncle Elon showed them a picture of a busty anime cat girl. “Uncle Elon called us over to look at his phone, made us promise not to […]
The post Tr…
#theonion
theonion.com/trump-boys-get-we

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Ariana Grande And Cynthia Erivo

Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo star in Wicked, an adaptation of the Broadway musical with a massive marketing campaign. The Onion sat down with the actresses to discuss their love of theater, craft, and on-set friendships. The Onion: In what ways does the film adaptation vary from the Broadway production? Erivo: You can’t get …
#theonion
theonion.com/the-onions-exclus

Conspiracy theorist #AlexJones reported a staggering 70% decline in #Infowars sales less than a week after the satirical publication #TheOnion acquired all assets and intellectual property of his online platform – which he said amounted to almost half a million dollars in losses.

Are you brokenhearted? Me neither.

'Crippling': Alex Jones reports massive revenue drop after The Onion wins Infowars auction
rawstory.com/alex-jones-266995

Raw Story - Celebrating 20 Years of Independent Journalism · 'Crippling': Alex Jones reports massive revenue drop after The Onion wins Infowars auctionBy Erik De La Garza

goblinlove, goblinfire, goblinnest, and succulentdinosaur. No, none of that really makes any sense beyond the fact that these are some of the domains being handed over from Alex Jones to the Onion. No, that doesn't really clear up much either.

gizmodo.com/the-weirdest-domai

Gizmodo · The Weirdest Domains Alex Jones Has to Give to The OnionFrom infowarsbabes.com to goblinlove.com, Infowars owns some strange domains.

Cash-Strapped Subway Threatens To Reveal Identities Of Customers Who Eat Subway If They Don’t Pay

In one of the largest corporate blackmail schemes in modern history, the popular fast food chain has reportedly sent the following ultimatum to millions of its customers: "We know who you are. Wire $10,000 by midnight, or the world will know too."
The post Cash-Strapped …
#theonion
theonion.com/cash-strapped-sub

Trump Locks Bathroom Door So Elon Musk Can’t Follow Him In

PALM BEACH, FL—Admitting that ever since he joined the campaign trail the billionaire tech mogul had refused to leave him alone, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly locked the bathroom door Tuesday so Elon Musk couldn’t follow him in again. “All right, Elon, out,” an audibly frustrated Trump had said moments earlier as he stood up from […]
The…
#theonion
theonion.com/trump-locks-bathr